GAH // 27 Aug 2008

I'm so sorry, GAH I SUCK I just suck at blogging I can never think of anything to say and even when I think I have something to say I still don't update! I'm just being a lazy bugger at the moment.

Soooo what's happened? I guess the big one's first. I got my GCSE results and let me tell you now I'm a genius. Okay so I'm not, but I'm so freaking happy I got 5As - I thought I'd get what 3? But nooo 5! Stupid educational system can eat it's heart out. The thing I feel reaaally good about is I know my family were expecting me to do worse. Maybe not my immediate family, and if they did it was for me they were worried and thinking it, but my aunt's and uncles on my dad's side dear god. A bunch of gossips they are. They were all so worried about it and they were talking to me a week before I got my results like 'are you worried?' and I was like 'uuuh I don't even know when I get them' their kid's are total neurotics, seriously...

And I've decided where I'm going I'm gonna learn how to design video games. I finally figured you've gotta go grab life or it'll run away so instead of doing something boring which I don't enjoy just to have some qualifications I'm going to go learn something useful and also something I love. Before I thought it'd all be a dream, but the idea that one day I could be making video games is a really exciting one. I'm happy I'm going against the norm and doing something different. Once again to see the looks on my family's faces (once again my mum and dad are supportive of my decision, but other's don't understand me) when I say I'm doing a BTEC they put on this smile like 'well whatever suits you'. Heh since I've got my GCSE results now I hope they know that I'm not doing it just because I can't do anything else. Besides I'm gonna do a maths A Level on the side as a back up.

This video thing is still freaking me out, I haven't done ANYTHING yet really apart from write some stuff down. It's all fine in theory, but I HATE talking about myself or anything to do with me so every time I have the time to do something I sorta go procrastinate with Resident Evil. (I've finished the 4th game twice now, not good...)

Well I'd say that's enough for now eh? I'm sorry if I've been neglecting this place a bit, I'm not really sure why I guess I've just been being lazy. And lazyness seems to make me more lazy, I'm almost glad the holidays are over soon I'm so BORED. But I'm also scared XD have to make sure I'm accepted by the people in my class lol Did I mention the boy to girl ratio is 3/1? Speaking of boys... I swear this guy said 'you're fit' in my ear the other day and it scared the hell out of me. I was asking for it I guess 'coz I was wearing a corset type thing, but I immediatly put my jacket back on afterwards... Then again it could all be in my head 'coz my sister didn't hear it... I don't think I'm THAT insane though. I don't know why people say things to me, is there something about me which makes people do this? It's not the first time it's happened some guy at the Expo last year stroked my face T_T

Okay now that's all I have to say I think I go enroll at Amersham tomorrow so maybe I'll tell you about it? Or you'll probably hear about my first day of school :D Can't wait to finally wear my own clothes (in the UK we have uniforms until 6th form/college).

excited
tea
my gaaames
the Omen
fan fiction

I have an irrational fear... // 04 Aug 2008

...Of telephones. I've spent the past... fifteen minutes rocking in a chair going 'need to redial, phone the woman back, scary phoooones!' and chewing a pen to death but we'll get onto that a bit later.

I've been back from Mallorca for... 2 days I guess, we got back on Saturday and I have never been so happy to see it rain! I did enjoy most of my time there, it's nice for it to be pleasantly warm as long as you're sitting in the shade by a pool with a good book. Most of the time I was though there was a gap in the day when for around an hour there was no shade. I'm not a person who likes heat, I burn to a crisp so I was wearing factor 50 sun cream and keeping out of the sun. (I didn't get burnt really, go me!) However I did get bitten. 5 mosquito bites on the last day, three on my arms two on my face . The other minor annoyance were these people we normally go on holiday with. Two families, one is nice, the other... has a brutish oaf for a father and a whore for a daughter. It was embarrasing watching her trying to flirt with all the spanish boys. And listening to talk about boys, shoes and more boys for hours in the evening? I'd go nuts if I had to listen to all that on a regular basis. So it was a nice holiday all in all with some downsides. I'm glad to be back with my technology and my nice safe British climate.

As for the telephone thing I was speaking about. I entered this channel 4 mediabox competition ages ago and I've been picked as one of the 10 finalists. AAH!! I have to go up to London and make a video... they're giving me £500 to make this thing and just >_< I'm gonna screw it up big time I can tell. When I finally got up the courage to call the woman back she wasn't there so now I have to call her back again. It's kinda cool, but I have to be in front of the camera as well and that's the scary part. My idea was to talk about 'School-refusers' the category I fit into even though I didn't actively refuse school which is something I wanted to clear up in the video. But GAH I have to phone a load of my tutors and see if I can find people who will talk to me. SCARY!!

Well that's all I have to say for now. I have a couple of FLs which need layouts and all. So once I get back into the swing of things the updates will start again. Provided I don't have to spend the rest of August on this video. Oh and my GCSE results are less than a month away >_<

err scared? lol
teaaa
toast
My Sammy! I haven't seen him in a week
Cut and Run by Jeff Abbot

Forgot to tell you // 29 Jul 2008

Finally // 18 Jul 2008

Right so as you can see, brand new layout! And the whole thing is coded in php! It has taken me a whole day - working on and off - to perfect this, which includes making the header picture, doing all the CSS, changing the pages to php, installing some scripts, editing pages, uploading icons. I'm about ready to drop dead . I think it was worth it though right? I'm really proud of this layout, I think it gives the whole place a new look, so much so that it feels like a new generation of layout well for my site anyway. And I guess it is, being php coded and all.

So this is version 15 with the Doctor and Rose!! Actually I was considering calling it 15.5 because if anyone saw my premade this was heavily influenced by that. I've been hyped up on Doctor/Roseness since the season 4 finale and finally made something uncrap. It also made me nostalgic for the series 2 ending which was such shippy goodness - hence the layout. The title... I thought it was ironic, the lyrics are from Iris byt he Goo Goo Dolls which was suggested by Elata. I always attack her layout decisions.

Oh and the song is Anywhere by Evanescence, I normally don't like Evanescence too much, but there is something I really love about this song

So as you can see for once I'm happy with something I've created. For now at least anyway . And now I have very little to say. I only updated a day or so ago so yeah.

I haven't really edited my site as much as I'd like. As in content wise, I thought I would, but strangely I can't think of anything to add - aside from small things such as icons and editing my bio yet again. I don't want to delete stuff for fear of depersonalizing the place and making it generic, but I can't think of anything new to add. Well maybe now I'll be able to get on and do some writing XD.

Edit: on a super random note I was mucking around with the camera and took a picture of myself which I was semi-happy with. So I attacked it with photoshop and I've hidden it somewhere on my site - because I'm cool like that. If you want to see what I really look like then go hunt around for it

accomplished
tea
Hell - Disturbed
photoshop
the magician's guild
fan fiction, as always.

Better Now // 17 Jul 2008

Well I'm trying to keep my updates regular, but I can never think of anything to say. I'm having a problem with updating stuff on the site at the moment. Mainly that I really want to make a nice layout and at the moment everything I make seems to be lacking in something... And I keep telling myself I won't go changing everything around until I make a new layout, but I can't make a layout, so yeah. Bad cycle here at the moment. My icons are in a complete disarray and I want to clear up my premade layouts and meh .

Speaking of premade layouts, I made another one... I was trying to make BN's next layout, but I'm not 100% happy with it so it's become a premade. You can view it here if you're interested. I'm a Doctor Who nut and I loved the series 4 finale. Doctor/Rose is one of my favorite pairings next to Dante/Trish.

My life away from the internet is pretty boring at the moment; eat, sleep, write, play video games, watch TV. I still don't know what to do next year, I thought I'd decided and keep changing my mind. I think recently I've developed a split personality, like half of me wants to be one way and the other half wants to be another. I don't really know how to explain it, it's weird. But the knowledge that I don't know who I am is rather frustrating. It really struck me the other day when I went to a friend's birthday party. Elata kept talking about cosplaying which no one else got and so I was feeling embarrased - even though I wasn't the one getting the brunt of the teasing... It's just so strange how different people are and I think the problem I have with myself is that I don't like being classed as either. I don't like being normal, in fact I actively avoid trends, but at the same time I don't want to be classed as a bit of a weirdo (in the sense of anime, cosplaying etc.) because I'm really not. And more importantly I don't want to follow anime/japan/internet trends anymore than I want to follow fashionable ones. Take the game for example, I am not playing and probably because everyone else is.

Gah this is turning into a rant which I didn't want it to be, but it is very confusing. I just don't feel like I fit in anywhere sometimes. Maybe it's because I'm too uptight, if I were more thick-skinned I wouldn't care so much what people think, but I'm always worried I'm being classed as part of a group when I'm really not. I've never really fitted into a set group and I like to think I'm a happy medium, but lately I've been wondering and it's frustrating when I can't quite tell where I belong.

I think I'm most happy on the internet really, maybe because I get the chance to articulate myself properly. I've always thought that you couldn't judge a person's persoanlity properly from the small snatches of them you see on the internet, but I'm beginning to think that maybe it's the other way around.

Well expect a new layout soon, hopefully .

confused
tea - as always :P
doctor/roseness, gives me squishy feelings
what I should be, for once
The Magician's Guild
Amber for making the Dante/Lady fanlisting an awesome layout!