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Alias: Shadow / ShadowxSong |
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'Who? Who is but the form following the function of what and what I am is a man in a mask.'
~ V, V for Vendetta
I have come to the conclusion, after a long while of pondering, tearing my hair out and sudden outbreaks of insanity that I am in fact two people living in one body. Not quite in the schizophrenic sense – not yet anyway – but in such a way that I contradict myself constantly. I would imagine that my two senses of ‘self’ which come with their own sets of principals a nd ideas are similar to how someone who is short sighted feels without glasses. (And seeing as I am someone who is short sighted and often finds they have lost their glasses I feel free to make than analogy). I am hoping that one day – and sooner rather than later – everything in my life will work its way back into focus.
I love myself, but I'm not quite sure who I am yet. I hate swearing, but I can be a bitch, generally of the snide comments kind, but I can also be stuck up when my prejudices get in the way. I have trouble lying unless I'm speaking to someone I care about and I can be both cold and caustic in the same breath. I used to be a tidy child, but lately I like to live in organised chaos. I'm a terrible procrastinator and my priorities are horribly confused.
As I said above I have a love-hate relationship with myself. I am never entirely satisfied with my own creations, but I dislike having things done for me. When I set out to master a skill I persevere until I am satisfied and as I am never satisfied I only give up when boredom takes over. When I have the correct amount of drive I believe there is little I couldn’t do, but the hard part is finding the enthusiasm in the first place.
I’m a strong believer in seeing things from another’s point of view. At times this leads me to over-analyse a situation just to work out another’s motives, but I really dislike pointing the finger before at least evaluating the situation. Sometimes this comes across as being a ‘goody two shoes’ because I can contradict myself in this sense quite a lot. The one thing I will say is that I try to be a nice person. I generally worry about other people’s feelings and probably display more concern for people I’ve never even met. I’m the type of person who has few friends, but knows they are good ones and I look upon all friendships in the same way.
In other words I'm your typical adolescent oxymoron. So don't be afraid to talk to me I'm as confused as you are!
